A Blessed Marriage

Happy Anniversary to us! Jan 10, 2020 marks Tracy’s and my 39^th wedding anniversary. What? Yep, 39 years…so often we look back and wonder where time has gone. But as they say, “time flies when you’re having fun.” Ah, really? Am I just saying that? No, I’m not. We continue to enjoy being married, and our marriage honestly continues to get better and better with each passing year. Yeah, we started when we were both just 18-year-old kids and sure, we have had some struggles (#flyingdishes…just kidding), but over-all our marriage has been incredibly blessed. We are lovers and best friends.

From our demographic (married in the 1980’s) only about a third of couples have marked their 25th anniversary and just 6% have been married more than 50 years. I’ll admit, the day we got married, I hardly remember my wedding vows. But I can tell you that I whole heartedly intended on marrying Tracy “until death due us part.” Today, I literally cry when I hear heart felt wedding vows between couples at the altar. Most of that emotion now comes from experiencing such intimacy in my own marriage, and the intense love that I have for Tracy. As well, the magnitude of the vow being seen by God as a covenant brings it into an exclusively holy moment. Vows are meant to be sacred and yet many couples are actually choosing to do away with wedding vows. Divorce is seen as an opt-out. The consequences of which rarely effect only just the couple involved. Sadly, in our country today 1 in 3 children live without a father, and nearly 5 million children in the US today are living without a mother.

God is the one who designed marriage and believes in it so much so that he equates marriage to that of the love relationship between Jesus and the church. There is also a somewhat mysterious Bible verse which states that when married, the two become one (see mark 10:8). Marriage, to Tracy and I, is an amazing gift. It is also an incredible way to honor God. It gives God great pleasure when He sees us flourish in our marriage relationships. With that in mind, Tracy and I thought we could share some helpful guidance to our readers. There are so many things that we have learned over the years, but today we’re going to narrow it down to just two. Two of the top attributes of our marriage—we will each take one…

Mark says: Servanthood.

It is true that marriage is a partnership, but the partnership should never be seen as 50/50. I hear it all the time “she did this, so I’m gonna do that. He got this, so I’m gonna get that. She treated me with disrespect, so I’m not going to show her love. He is not being loving to me, so ….” Do you get the picture? It’s tit for tat. Fair is fair, right? Friends, this is a very dangerous mindset and it will lead to very unhealthy and destructive behaviors in a marriage.

Years ago, Tracy and I were leading a marriage class and kicked it off with “10 Great Dates.” That went pretty well, so we continued the class using a book as curriculum called Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Our class soon doubled in size and many testimonies came in week after week of how God was working in each marriage. Here is the main premise of this book, and I believe that if you take it to heart, it too will be a life changer for your marriage.

“Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” Ephesians 5:33 (NIV)

OK, fine, that sounds like a plan, right? I mean… I/we can do that, it sounds fair enough, right? But what happens when the husband is being unloving? What happens when the wife is not showing respect? I mean honestly guys; do you always feel that your wife shows you honor and respect? Wives is your husband always oozing with love for you? Of course not. But here is the deal…the command from God’s word is not conditional. It’s not a tit for tat. Guys, we are commanded to show love to our wives…period. Wives, you are commanded to respect your husband…period. When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband. And the crazy cycle begins…

We are all called to be servants. Unfortunately, many aren’t interested in being servants. Like most of the world, most of the interest is in beauty, brains, and the buck. But as believers, we should follow the example of Jesus, who was actually equal with God, but humbled Himself and became man. He is our example, and He demonstrated servanthood to His death. Jesus says in John 12:26 “Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.” Servanthood is a really big deal, and our marriage relationship—above all—should demonstrate it.

Tracy and I are very intentional about serving each other. Tracy is so amazing, and I want her to feel like she is my queen, and she also makes me feel like her king. (Incidentally, we were actually Homecoming king and queen in high school 😊). I know that’s all gooshy etc. But I’m telling you friend…try serving your mate like they are the most important person to you; then see how your relationship blossoms. You will both be blessed. What’s more your marriage will bless and honor God. I don’t know about you, but I believe we can make God smile and giggle with joy when He looks down at us. As well, I want to look forward to seeing His face in heaven in reaction to Tracy’s and my marriage here on earth.

Tracy says: Choosing to love

Most of us got married because we were in love. Our love for each other was enough for us to enter into a commitment. But what happens when we do not feel loved? What happens after the honeymoon? How many times have we heard of couples divorcing because they just don’t love their spouse anymore? That doesn’t just happen overnight. Choices were made along the way. Something changed in the way they thought and acted toward each other. Sadly, over time, their thoughts become negative, hurtful, and destructive. But how different would it be if they just continued to develop the positive and good things about each other, rather than choosing to tear one another down? I have learned in our own difficult times to choose to think and speak blessings (see Duet 30:19, Prov 17:9, Eph 4:2).

Philippians 4:8 is one of my favorite verses. It says: “Finally, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”  

I have and am still learning that the battlefield of life—to include marriage—is in the mind. The enemy (satan) wants us to think in judgmental and condemning ways. He tries to infiltrate our thoughts towards our mate and thoughts towards ourselves. But he is a liar. Choosing to see our mate through God’s eyes will change our perspective. When our perspective changes in that way, we will begin to act out in love and blessing, which in-turn will bring true happiness.

I really like what Dr. Caroline Leaf says, “The happiest people don’t have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything. Stop wishing and waiting for happiness. It’s up to you NOW to create happiness in your life.”

Our prayer for you is that your marriage will be all that God designed for it to be. And remember, It’s never too late. The wonderful thing about our God is that His love is unconditional and that He is ready and waiting for us to bring Him into every area of our lives. This is our goal and hope that it is yours as well:

Every love story is beautiful, but ours is my favorite.

Gods richest blessings to you as we celebrate our special day!

Blessed by the BEST,

Mark & Tracy